India trip [day 38.]

Wow. I got 100 blog views in the past two days. That's more than I've gotten in the past two months. 

Thank you guys to your positive responses to my last post, I just really needed to be completely honest and get it out, and I'm glad it touched some of your hearts. 

But this post won't make you cry, I promise.

I know, I know, I am a terrible terrible blogger and I'm sure I'll get in plenty of trouble when I return to the states. But for right now, I'm 9,500 miles away, so what are you going to do? Ha.

But I do have my excuses! 

Our crazy landlord kicked us out of our house, like I mentioned in one of my past posts, so we've been moving to an apartment in Nelamangala [pronounced Neh-la-mungla.]

I won't lie to you and say I like it better here than I did in Bangalore. That would be false. Moving from Bangalore to Nelamangala is like moving from New York City to Duncan, Oklahoma. I have to get used to a COMPLETELY different environment now. But after a few days I'm starting to like it. A huge plus to this apartment is that it is literally right across the street from the school, so I've been able to teach every single day and I am SO happy. I have developed such a love for my 8th and 9th grade. They are wonderful. I don't know any more about photography to teach them now, so we sit around and talk about America. So far they think my sister on her wedding day is the most beautiful American they've ever seen, Lady Gaga music is amazing, screamo music is scary, and the cup game is the greatest thing ever created. It's so much fun to go to those classes. I look forward to it. 

The reason I'm sitting around teaching them absolutely nothing is because my 10th grade class is very very far behind, and we have to wait for them in order to move on. They have very few free classes, so they're only about halfway done with my photography course. To be blatantly honest, I would be ecstatic if I never had to walk into that classroom again. They are awful. Excluding one girl, the entire class is...well, to throw aside all political correctness, a bunch of little brats. I don't know if it's just because we're the same age, or they hate photography, or I'm American, or SOMETHING. They just talk and talk and talk and mock me to my face and purposefully ask ridiculous questions that I don't know how to answer.

I know, I know. Despite all of that I should be patient and show them the love of Christ, but yesterday I just lost it. After teaching to closed ears [except that one girl, bless her heart. She loves photography.] for about half an hour I threw down my chalk and yelled something to the effect of "Okay, LOOK. If you want to not listen to me and jack around during my class, fine by me. It does not affect me in ANY way if every single one of you fails this class. I know you don't care about this, but this is an actual class and I'm sure your parents are going to be so happy to learn that you flunked it. I'm going to America in a month, I'm never going to see any of you ever again, so go ahead. Keep talking. Fail this class. I don't care. I honestly do not. But you know what? I'm your teacher and you have to respect me. Don't come crying to Sister Josna when 8th and 9th graders pass this class with flying colors and you have a failed class on your records. It's certainly not because I'm not teaching."

No one said a word the rest of the hour.

Yes, I was harsh, yes, they'll be their usual terrors tomorrow, but maybe I broke through to ONE person. 

I'm actually going to ask the headmaster if I can stop teaching them once we get done with this course. In no way are they promoting my walk with Christ that I'm supposed to be showing to these kids. 

Okay. Enough angry teenage rants.

I'll blog tomorrow.

I actually will.

India trip [day 35.]

We're so selfish. 

It deeply ashames me to be a selfish, spoiled American.

It started at the train station on my way to my second trip to Raichur, where beggars covered the floor like tile, sleeping so as to not feel the hunger that may or may not kill them, and the ones who where awake surrounding me on their knees, begging the American for something, anything, that could keep them alive one more day.

Begging the American who daily complains about the wealth I have, constantly wasting food, taking advantage of how amazing it is that I can eat this week. 

They're so happy that they can sleep somewhere warm tonight. Warm, with rats crawling over the sleeping bodies, cockroaches resting in their matted hair, dirt covering their bodies like a second skin. How dare I complain about my lack of air conditioning when I should be rejoicing that I have walls? 

At our church, there is a certain woman who weeps with joy during worship every Sunday. Her hands raised to God, it's obvious that her heart is overflowing with the love of Christ. This past Sunday we gave her a ride to her "house." I put that in quotations because it was sheet metal and tarp sloppily put together to provide shelter from the constant rain. I was shocked. We get angry at God for not giving us that job promotion, for not giving us everything we think we deserve. Yet this woman, this woman on the brink of starvation, revolves her entire life around the time she spends with Christ. She puts all her hardships aside, for she knows that something so much better is coming. Her life is James 1 exemplified. I was in awe and sick to my stomach with memories of my past unthankfulness.

Then there's the orphanage. The boy who doesn't ever speak because his father looked him in the eyes as he murdered his mother and then committed suicide right in front of him. The girl with only a few of her fingers and toes because that's how her mother would punish her. The boy with knife scars all over his body. The countless, countless beautiful little girls who will never be blessed with children because of the abuse their fathers put them through. The innumerable number of children who grew up eating animal excrement, trash, anything they could get just to stay alive. 

And here I am, making "such a sacrifice" by giving up my summer to come here. Here I am, disgusted by the thought of not being able to shower at least every other day. Here I am, practically devastated because I have to sit in the dirt sometimes.

God is showing this to me to reveal my own greedy heart. Not in a rebuking manner, but a deeply humbling one. This trip has made me view everything I own so differently. For a while, I'm going to be so happy with what I have, thankful to be able to sleep in a bed, blessed to have a school I can go to.

The sad part is, I know it won't last. Maybe a month after I come back, if it even lasts that long, I'm going to start throwing fits because a restaurant gave me the wrong order, because Chicken Express gave me two chicken strips instead of three, because my mom punished me for something I did wrong.

I don't deserve any of it. I should be the one living in the tarp and sheet metal. 

I'm so lucky.

Photo challenge [i ♥ faces entry.]

Hi therrre. This is Allison. Isn't she lovely?

This is my challenge entry for I ♥ Faces [<-- the link is there.]. It's for teens only and, hey, I'm sixteen. So I thought I'd give it a go. :]

I'll India blog later, y'all.